In the beginning before I became cynical Sally...

Ok, so i'm thinking this whole blogging thing may be quite cathartic for me. I've reached a point in my fairly young life in which I've become far too cynical for my own good. In order to understand why i've yet to find the 'right' one (yes, I know i'm young and have plenty of time bla bla) I think it's good to go back in time...to the beginning (or atleast when I had my first real boyfriend). In writing this i'm not only hoping to give myself a bit of insight, but also to allow anyone reading it to think 'oh yess, I'm not the only one!'. 

My first ever 'boyfriend' was when I was 4, I don't know why but it was the 'in' thing to couple up before we could even do our times tables. His name was Tom* and he was the best thing ever, or atleast better than the other boys in my primary class. This was for a number of reasons:

1. He didn't smell of wee

2. He didn't have boogers under his finger nails

3. He knew my name

4. I knew his.

When considering all of the facts he was PERFECT. We pretty much went out for the whole of primary school and we were seen as the golden couple, the Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes of the valleys (ok, bad example). We had our first kiss (on the cheek) when we were 6 years old, and then another girl in the class told on us. Romantic literature and poetry had nothing on us, however when we went to the 'big school' that was secondary school, we both went our seperate ways. There so many people to consider at this age that our romance, however strong, could not withold the temptation of other 11 year olds at the time. Shame! Anyway to cut a very long story short, we got back together in year 8, I hid up a tree because I was too scared to snog him and the whole idea repulsed me and now years later he's in a very happy relationship with a man named Anthony.

If we consider my actual first real boyfriend, his name was Louis* and basically, I don't think i've ever been in real, actual love since. We met in school, he was the stereotypical bad boy, and I was the stereotypical good girl, our worlds really should not have met. However because of the amazing invention that is MSN, we ended up chatting behind the safety of our windows 95 computer screens, and so noone knew that we were speaking for about 2 hours every night without fail. (Explains me putting weight on at that time)

I couldn't believe that he would even want to chat to me, my self esteem being that low that I felt noone was worthy, I completely wish I could slap 15 year old me sometimes! After some months of speaking online and quick glances across the room in biology we finally realised our feelings for eachother. I don't want to get mushy here because it really isn't my style in public places, however our (and my) first ever kiss was literally the best thing ever. To sum up there was snow, moonlight and all of the pheromones you can imagine.

For 2 years we were blissfully happy, my mum hated him but I really didn't care, I properly loved him and could never ever imagine that I could ever feel that way about anyone again. Maybe I was right, but he ended up cheating on me for a month, I dumped him and then went to uni, all a bit tragic. I wonder though, did this early experience in terms of relationships and love pave the way for an unhealthy dating life since, I've gone for all of the wrong men since, and no matter how much I try to trick my brain, i'm hotwired to fall for the same 'bad boys'.

 Does it ever change?